re. group therapy

Last night, i attended a group therapy session for the first time. I loved it just as much as i thought i would & i will definitely be going back!

I got there early, so had some time to talk to the psychologist & other people who were also attending the session. I felt like i was being awkward because i'm not good with small talk but the people were nice & either said a simple hello or had a bit of a chat with me.

The session started with our topic for the night. I was familiar with some things through having been in one on one therapy in the past but there is always something new to learn when it comes to mental health. I have a handout based on our topic & have remembered some things but i've decided that next time i'll bring a journal to jot things down in.

After topic time we had a break & had time to chat with one another again. This time i was a little more comfortable & even opened up a little bit to one girl about something i was planning to share with the group. This girl (i do recall her name but won't share here) was so lovely & understanding about what i did tell her & we ended up having a casual chat about many things.

After our break, we were up to ''sharing time.'' Some people talked, others didn't, so before i knew it, i was being asked whether i wanted to share or not. Well, before this my heart was already racing & i had become fidgety, so i said something about wanting to but i'm not good with speaking in front of people. I was given a little reassurance, so i started to speak.

Well, all too quickly, my voice started shaking & i suddenly started crying. I felt so silly but i shouldn't have. Everyone in the room treated this moment in a way that made it such an okay thing to be doing. I was allowed a little time to collect myself & i managed (i think) to say everything i wanted to.

As i'm a very empathetic person, i instantly came out of my state as soon as someone else started sharing. With every person that shared after me, i realized that a few others felt like me, which also made me feel more okay about the moment i had.

As so many of us could relate to one another, we all continued to sit together after ''sharing time'' & had a good discussion before ending the session. By this time & actually even before this, i had settled more into things & therefore felt a lot more comfortable.

A lot of us lingered after the session to chat even further but unfortunately i couldn't stay for too long but i'll arrange things a little differently to be able to next time.

So all up, i found this a really good experience. Every single person who was there was so lovely & compassionate & i am proud of myself too. From the small talk to sharing in the group, i achieved a lot of things, that i would never have done if i were still the same person i had been just a few years ago.

So my message to you all is to try something new because you never know where it'll lead until you do.

On that note..
Until next time,
Stay strong & be you.
~Karly xo

I'm going away for Christmas but dysphagia!

Hey guys,
I had a bit of a vent in a Facebook support group the other day & realized i could write a blog post based on the things i shared, so that's exactly what i'm going to do for you guys now.

If you've read my last two posts, you'll know that I've been stuck in a harder place lately & that I decided within myself that I want to better that.

Yes, i have been achieving small things since then & that's great. Small steps are the way to go but i feel like Christmas is going to be a big step for me & it's not one i feel ready for but am expected by others to do.

For a while, all that came to me were negative thoughts & emotions when i would think about & envision this Christmas but then i simply thought ''mindset,'' & that's where a bit of a change has come.

Yes, i will have to travel for Christmas but i am going to end up being in a house with family, so in a way i'm going to be in the same environment that i am in right now, in my own home.

I will be bringing my own food/drinks with me & the family that'll be there with me already know this & i'm sure if i prefer to eat/drink on my own, that will be accepted by the people who are there.

There are a few other things i'm worried about & it's a given that i'm going to struggle physically & mentally but it's about adapting, so i can feel the best i can.

I've even more recently been thinking about activities i like to do & a stand out for me is photography. I'm getting a new camera for Christmas & being in the country will provide me with the perfect opportunity to get back into this. The thought actually excites me & it made me realize that balance is key here too.

Yes, we have to put focus into our dysphagia & everything that relates to it but we need to engage in other things in life too. I think throwing ourselves into the things we love even more during tougher times, is even more beneficial.

So, with this being said, what are you getting up to for Christmas? How do you feel about this? How do you plan on staying well nourished? & finally, what are some activities that you enjoy doing, that you could do during this time?

These are just some things you could ask yourself or you could even let me know about if you like.

I always find it hard to end a post, hahah! but i'm going to go now.

Christmas wishes to you all & if you don't celebrate, i still wish you the best with whatever it is you're doing.

As always, get in touch with me if you'd like to chat.

I'll catch you with another post again soon,
Karly. xo

Recap of (12/12/15) Meet up with Friend

Hey guys,
As i mentioned in my last post, i was going to meet up with a friend, which did occur. So, i thought i'd give you a little insight into how this went for me.

A stand out in the morning for me, was that i found myself experiencing a sudden burst of anxiety. I'm not convinced that i was having a panic attack but then again, sometimes it's hard to say. I was annoyed that it was happening & i couldn't understand why it was but lets face it, there are many factors that could've triggered it. A few being - I was meeting this friend in person for the first time, I would be travelling out to an area i'm unfamiliar with & isolating myself because of my swallowing disorder means this isn't a situation i've put myself in for a long while. Of course, we don't think like this during experiencing bad anxiety though now do we?

My Mum drove me to the shopping center we were to meet up at & the funny thing was, i didn't feel anxious during this. Maybe it was because i released most of my anxieties earlier? Then again, who knows when it comes to anxiety?

For a little while, i felt awkward with my friend. Well, maybe it was more of a nervous energy. The kind i think a lot of us experience a lot anyway. I think the biggest struggle for me was, to find some sort of independence. So, i just kind of started to throw myself into things after a little while. Whether it be leading the way, ordering at a cafe, browsing through things in a store & etc, it helped make that nervous energy settle a little. Of course, chatting with my friend helped too.

All up, i would say that i achieved a lot during this experience & above all, i had a great time with my friend & we're already thinking of other things to do in the new year.

I hope some of you get something out of this post. For me, it helps me realise that i can do things despite my swallowing disorder, despite experiencing anxiety.

As a side note - in terms of the group therapy, i messed up & went to the wrong location on Tuesday (I don't function well with a migraine), so i won't be getting there until after Christmas now but once i do, i'll be sure to update you all about it.

In terms of Christmas, my family & i are going to stay with other family in the country. The thought gives me anxiety but just like i've said, i met up with a friend, so i'll find my way through this too.

Anyway, let me know if you like this post & would enjoy seeing more like this.
Merry Christmas & a happy new year to you all!
Catch you all again soon,
Karly xo  

Crossroads

Hey guys,

I've been in a state lately where i've been feeling unhappy & this in turn is causing me to not want to do anything or see anyone & it's even been affecting the way i view myself & what i do. So basically. i've been lazing around at home as much as possible, i don't even like to see family (which is very strange of me) & i end up being unhappy with the things i share online & end up deleting them. Crazy stuff right?

I've been finding it difficult to tell myself & others how i've been feeling & why & where i want to go from here but i think i've finally worked at least a few things out.

I am the reason why i'm feeling this way & i've realized it's because i focus more on the things in my life that i want to change but have no control over. The biggest example being my swallowing disorder.

Now that i've worked this out & have been inspired by a friend, i have moved into a different state, where i've decided i do want to better myself & in turn, better my life. I can imagine myself being out in the world, trying things i never have before. It's a good thought & a good feeling.

Therefore, I have made plans with a friend to meet up with her & will be doing this with two others in the new year.

I've also decided that i want to go back to therapy but instead of doing one on one therapy, which i've experienced a lot, i want to try group therapy.

I know i'm going to find it difficult to break into these things & anything else really but i think doing activities routinely will be the most beneficial for me.

I think this is everything i have to say, so i'll leave it here.
As always, feel free to contact me for a chat if you'd like.
I'll be sure to keep you all up to date with how things are going.

Until next time,
Stay strong & lots of love,
Karly. xo

My Goals

On Sun the 1st of Nov, i decided to set myself 2 goals. One was to go for a walk each day and the other, to eat at least once a day. 

So far, i have eaten mashed oatmeal with apple everyday (once a day) and have eaten curry soup on top of that, over the past 2 days. (again, once in a day) 

Over this week, i have discovered that walking is more of a challenge for me but i still have been everyday, except for Tues. (Was having a really bad pain day)

 

I am proud of myself for what i have achieved over this week and hope to keep this going. I'll also add in more goals at some point too. 

I know there are going to be days where i might not achieve these goals or whatever else it might be but that's okay. 

With a condition like this it can be hard to do what others take for granted. I know i myself struggle, so when i feel the most well, i quickly take that moment to shower or eat or walk or whatever else it may be. How i feel, both mentally and physically, is always changing throughout the day/night, so that's why i've become a spontaneous person.  

I just wanted to share this incase any of you guys are really struggling right now. I know what it's like to be really unwell, both physically and mentally, with this condition but it is possible to still have better times too. 

You guys and the positivity i have within myself get me through every day and night and know that i'm here for you all too. 

Thanks to those who have been in touch with me. Never be shy to keep doing so and to everyone else, feel free to do so too. It makes my day like nothing else to interact with you guys. 

Much love and strength to you all.

~Karly xo 

My past (nearly) 2 weeks

Hi loves, i thought i'd share with you all what i've been going through for nearly 2 weeks now.

For those of you who have swallowing problems, you'll know how greatly it can affect our mental health at times.

Well, i'm ''in that time.''

It's usually a severe thing for me, where i'll get really anxious and depressed. It's still like that this time but i have other things mixed in with it. such as anger and wanting to be rebellious.  

While the swallowing and related issues are the biggest things affecting me, i think what is making this time more severe, is that i have had/am having other things affecting me too.

I usually seek support during these times but in the earlier part of all this, i had to be very careful because i knew i would likely blow up at people for no good reason.

Although, i did drop little things now and then to my Mum to give her an idea of what's going on with me. Two nights ago, i ended up breaking down in front of her. I'm lucky that i've had my Mum's full support with all this for a while now, so it made this time not feel as bad.

I've had a long break from professionals of all kinds because i haven't known who to go to, as everyone ends up saying ''i can't help you.''

I decided to make a post in an Achalasia support group i'm in on Facebook and i received many suggestions on who to see. My Mum and i are going to discuss these options and then we'll decide where to go from there.

My biggest advice to anyone going through something like this, is to seek support. Yeah, some people don't approach the situation well but if you keep trying more people, you will find those who are right for you in this time.

Until next time,
Stay strong loves and remember, you can always drop me a comment or an email if you'd like to chat.
~Karly xo

Annoying Stuff!

Hey loves! Today i thought i'd share with you some of the things that i find annoying when it comes to my difficulty swallowing. So here you go!


1. Routine - this could mean a few things for me but in particular having to drink/eat something every 1-2 hours. The time passes fast!

2. Slow Pace - this relates to when i eat. My weak muscles make it hard to move food towards the back of my mouth and hence makes it hard to clear my mouth. There are things i do to try and make the process easier. It can be tedious!

3. Energy levels - Even though things have improved for me somewhat overall, i still find it tiring to walk around too much. It makes things hard and limiting.

4. Physical discomforts - I find them more of a pain in the arse more than anything else these days. I just wish i knew what it were like to feel comfortable!

5. Socialization - I may have regained bits of my life but i still won't meet new people. Food is the biggest part of life. It wouldn't take long for people to notice ''different'' things about me. I would have to tell them and possibly explain. It would be hard on me and them.

I'm sure there are a lot of other things i could include as well but these were on the top of my head./

I still find it crazy to think that no one would know the problem i had unless i told them. It goes to show that some illnesses really are invisible.

Anyway, that's it from me today.

Remember to get in touch whenever you like. I love the interactions i've had with some of you so far!

Until the next one,

Stay strong and be you.

~Karly xo