Earlier this month, i pushed myself way outside of my comfort zone, all in one go. While i got some good out of this, i came crashing down, hard.
You know how some people with swallowing disorders have little energy and therefore can't do much? Well i'm like that too and having anxiety mixed in with this, makes for an even harder time. For me personally, it can make it harder for me to determine whether something i'm experiencing is related to my swallowing disorder or anxiety, or maybe even a bit of both. I have been particularly struggling with this over this month.
I have been experiencing heart palpitations, chest pain and difficulty breathing for most of this month. I was trying to convince myself that it was ''just anxiety,'' but now i'm not so sure that i should be doing that, as i blacked out early hours of Monday morning, last week. I've never blacked out before from anxiety, so don't associate the two. Therefore, i now think it's my body warning me/giving up on me even further, in relation to my swallowing disorder.
I know a lot of people with swallowing disorders experience really bad anxiety and depression and i'm certainly no stranger to this myself. I feel like going through this added chest stuff and other things i've been experiencing physically, has caused me to go back into my more severe bout of anxiety and depression, which is something i go through every few months or so. I feel like getting into what this means for me would make this too long of a post but i will briefly go over the realizations i've made and where i want to go from here.
I have to put my health first and stick to it this time. It's a goal within itself and without getting somewhere with this, i'm not going to be able to work towards or achieve my other goals. I know this from experience.
Being let down by doctors is always the hardest thing for me to go through but that doesn't mean i should stop trying. My wanting to get better and my wanting to live my life in the way i want to, is stronger than that. It can and will get me through this if i let it.
This is going to be an extremely long and hard journey for me but i know this is the right way to go about this, for me. After all, i said i was going to make 2016 the year in which things start happening for me and this is where i make that start.
Plus i know i'll continue having the best support from you guys and remember, i'm always here for you all as well. Together we will improve.
I'll continue keeping you up to date on my journey.
Until next time,
Stay strong and be you.