If you are familiar with my blog, you'll know that my diet has consisted of few thin liquids for a long time now.
The time between my meltdowns (which consist of lots of crying and intense fear), became closer and closer over this year.
Last month, i was determined to get myself into a hospital or some sort of other facility.
During one of my meltdowns last month, i approached my Dad and spoke to him, part of which included me saying something like ''I can hardly swallow anything anymore. I get pain in my throat all the time now too. I just wish i could swallow purees at least again. I am scared that i have hardly had anything in my stomach for 2 years.''
The following morning i saw my psychiatrist at 9am. I let my Dad come into the session as i wanted him to be there when i brought up inpatient treatment.
My psychiatrist listened to me and told me he was going to call a hospital and try a facility. He also decided he wanted to set up a meeting with my swallowing specialist.
I yet again felt thankful that i have the psychiatrist that i do. Although the problems were that,
1. This would take time
2. The chances of me being accepted into anywhere were slim, maybe even non existent.
Time i felt, was something that i didn't have. I had hit bottom several times before with this but this time was even worse.
I just knew i wasn't going to be able to pick myself back up again because it usually would've happened during or not long after my lowest point.
This low has been going on for most of this year, maybe even a little longer than that.
Over coming days, i spoke to people i know through Facebook and even called one of those friend's.
I had to get into hospital as soon as possible. I just didn't know how. I have been turned away a few times before and a few months back, my parents wouldn't even take me to ER.
In one particular support group, a few people told me they had been to The Royal Adelaide Hospital for their swallowing problem and that they have some of the best people to deal with this problem.
I brought up part of the conversations i had with my Dad but he wouldn't properly take what i was saying on board.
Talking wasn't working, so i decided to go with my silent/angry when approached treatment. Probably not the best idea in this situation but sometimes this is the only thing that works on my parents.
My Dad, being as observant as he is when it comes to my behaviour and how i feel, soon approached me. He asked to look at my food journal which instantly made him more concerned than he had been. He said ''well what are we going to do about this?'' As you may have guessed, i brought up hospital again.
My Dad, also aware that ER may not accept me in, decided to ring a couple of hospitals first. While i waited, my Mum got me to weigh myself. Our scales showed i was around 40kg. We didn't have scales at the time that shows you an exact reading. I have been 40kg a couple of times before and we all know that is falling into the danger zone.
My Dad got off the phone and said both hospitals basically said, they can't say anything without seeing me first. My Dad wanted to take me to a hospital that i have been turned away from before. I said ''No, i want to try the Royal Adelaide. I will not go anywhere else.''
So, my Dad booked a taxi and we were soon on our way.
I became more and more nervous as we got closer to the hospital. I always try to keep an open mind about things but it's so hard when you've been turned away so many times before.
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I will be continuing this little story in more posts. I thought i'd break it down as you can tell, it may get too long.
Thank your for reading.
As always, i'd be happy to hear from you.
Love and light.
- Karly. xo